youre super confusing
Haha really? How so?
June 2010
The great debate - to FS or not to FS.
Ah, love/hate relationships at its best.
Currently: I hate formspring. DIE formspring. DIE.
Well no, not formspring specifically.. More the people who write shit. I think “hate the player, not the game” works best in this situation. But still. Why does it sting so much? I don’t understand how a string of nice comments can send you sky high and make you LOVE formspring, but then after a single hate mail you’re shattered. Like that one little hate mail out weighs every other good thing that was said.
Hm. I think the reason it hurts so much is because when you receive something via anonymous it’s nameless. It has no identity. So you automatically put it under the “Anon” folder. And because “Anon” doesn’t relate to any one person in particular it’s almost as though “Anon” is a group of people - kind of like an angry mob. All acting as one, all thinking the same way. So when you get that one little hate comment, it feels as though everyone feels that way about you and everyone says that about you behind your back. And then because you now think everyone feels that way about you the “majority rules” comes to play and you start to think to yourself.. Well if people think that way about me, it must be true.
So it’s hard to remind yourself that it’s one tiny person who thinks that. Just one. One. Not everyone. Just… one. And why should this persons opinion matter more to you then your friends and the people who actually care about you? Those are the people who are worth your time and energy.
I’m trying to convince myself that right now - which is why I wrote this. But it’s still hard, you know? Maybe I should just get rid of formspring all together.
Crank.
Have you ever
had so much to say
that your mouth closed up tight
struggling to harness
the nuclear force
coalescing within your words?
Have you ever
had so many thoughts
churning inside you that you didn’t
dare let them escape
in case they blew you wide open?
Have you ever
been so angry that you
couldn’t look in the mirror
for fear of finding the face of evil
glaring back at you?
- Ellen Hopkins is genius.
if you want to know what a girl likes, go to her facebook. if you want to know what she looks like, go to her myspace. if you want to know what other people think of her, go to her formspring. if you want to know where’s she’s at right now, go to her twitter. but if you really want to get to know a girl, go to her tumblr.
100 things.
1. I am often told that I am complicated and hard to read, therefore I am making a list of 100 things about myself. This isn’t exactly planned, so bear with me.
2. My name is Aidyn.
3. Yes, I have a guys name although I am a girl.
4. I don’t have a favourite singer or band, rather I tend to like more select songs.
5. I simply cannot stand bad grammar or spelling errors.
6. I am half black, half australian.
7. I also speak Greek.
8. I’ve had my cat Tiger for 9 years. He is the love of my life.
9. Speaking of 9 years.. It has been 9 years since I saw my dad.
10. I have lived in 10 houses (In 3 countries)..
11…And attended 7 schools.
12. I have a fascination with dream catchers.
13. I am obsessed with old books. I think it is something about the smell?
14. I am slightly broken, but hate when people tell me how needy and insecure and defenseless they are. I absolutely hate it. Therefore, I do not talk about my problems.
15. I love snow. It is one of the few things in this world that legitimately makes me happy.
16. I order rainbow icecream.
17. I have curly hair.
18. I want:
Αχ! Κουνελακι, κουνελακι,
Ξυλο που θα το φας!
Μεσα σε ξενο περιβολι,
Τρυπες να μην τρυπας!
Μη μου τα κλινεις τα ματακια,
Μη μου κουνας τ’αυτια,
Μη μου ζαρωνεις την μυτουλα,
Εισαι μια ζωγραφια!
tattooed on my wrist.
19. Needles. *Shudder*
20. 1/5 way there :)
21. I like to use “Iron barriers” as a metaphor to describe how I conceal my feelings. (Used in “Armageddon”).22. I admire my Mum in so many ways. She is one of the strongest women I have ever met.
22. I go to waaaay to many phones.
23. I wish Shakespeare was alive today, I would give anything to have a conversation with him.
24. I am very curious. I always ask for peoples thoughts to try to understand the way they think better.
25. I have insomnia.
26. I have not gone to sleep before 4.30am since the 3rd of June.
27. I often have the urge to dance.
28. I live off change.
29. I have roughly 135 screen shots on my desktop.
30. I hate fat, greasy, balding, shifty man. Also known as Simon.
31. I have had 2 previous male teachers whom I swore were pedophiles.
32. Pokemon is my life.
33. I went to Japan in grade 5 with school and I feel in love with it.
34. I miss watching Cartoon Network.
35. I do not like people who are prude.
36. I try to not care what people think of me. Emphasis on try. Although I am fairly sure it is inevitable.
37. Emilie. Is.. A recurring part of my life.
38. Owls are pretty.
39. I would very much like to witness fireflies for myself. They seem so.. delicate and fascinating.
40. Money is like a security blanket for me. I know that that is superficial.
41. I miss Super Chick.
42. I believe that living in singapore has provided me with a more worldly view on life.
43. I want to find out what love is.
44. Diet coke.
45. Nikon is better than Canon. End of story.
46. Australia no longer feels home to me. I don’t know where “home” is anymore.
47. I am attracted to the colour red.
48. I am obsessed with McDelivery.
49. When all else fails, I go to Starbucks at 3am and read Shakespeare.
50. WOAAAAAH, WE’RE HALFWAY THE-RE.. Woaaaaho, living on a prayer.
51. Every time I am exactly half way on a test I sing that song.
52. I am very indecisive.
53. I collect records.
54. ..But do not own a record player.
55. I frequent omegle video.
56. I have several peacock feathers in my room.
57. I <3 my Blackberry (Bbm, anyone?)
58. I sleep with the aircon too high and with many blankets.
59. I also sleep with my bra.
60. I have cried on every one of my birthdays.
61. I LOVE victorias secret runway shows <3
62. I hate labels. (Like “Popular” and “Indie” and “Fake”) Why can’t I just be me?
63. I envy those who ooze confidence.
64. I wish I could run into someone I know half way across the world.
65. I like triangles. Deal with it. ▲
66. I am unconventionally religious.
67. I think that red hair is so pretty.
68. I have an extreme problem with procrastination.
69. Hmm, 69.. Okay something sexual. Uhm. Accents are hot.
70. I feel short compared to most people, even though I am probably not.
71. I have a thing for artsy guys.
72. 72 is my favourite number as it was the year my mother dearest was born.
73. I swear too much.
74. I’ve never had the chickpox.
75. I can’t sing for my life, but I am one of those obnoxious people that do anyway.
76. I hate being tickled.
77. I am pro-choice, however I am unsure what I would do when put in that circumstance.
78. I have a weakness for aeroplane food.
79. I love getting caught in the rain.
80. I can’t whistle.
81. I am allergic to liquid medicine, soft shell crab and grape soda.
82. I’m one of those people who can’t listen to the full length of a song.. I get bored easily.
83. I have a collection of Disney, Dr. Sues and Berenstain Bears in my room.
83. I eat an excessive amount of tomato sauce.
84. I don’t like the sun.
85. 84 was an understatement.. I hate the sun.
86. I don’t wear shoes in my house.
87. People who chew gum loudly are obnoxious and rude.
88. Facebook says I am on Facebook for an average of 36hours a week. Shit.
89. I’m a night person.
90. I own a very large collection of 80’s band tee-shirts.
91. I have a half brother. His name is Conor Bradford. He plays for the UCLA Bruins.
92. Apparently I look my Dad. I wouldn’t know :/
93. I would never allow myself to like the same person as one of my friends.
94. I collect white tee-shirts from guys.
95..Was the year I was born.
96. I can not decide what my favourite colour is.
97. I love an empty train.
98. I love the smell of rain and the sound of a storm.
99. I debating whether I should go to bed right now to beat my streak (it is 4.29am exactly).
100. I find it extremely difficult to find 100 things about myself. Hm, I wonder why that is.
Well. Au Revoir.
Love Story.
And so, the underclassmen feel in love with the hot senior from JIS. Never to see him again.
Aidyn,
It's been ay?
I can see the girl who wears plaid shirts, and listens to indie music, and has a secret stash of dream catchers and doesn't give a fuck what anyone said because she knew that there were always people who understood her is burried deep inside of you somewhere. I can tell.
Knowing you, you're probably thinking "But zacccccc, you don't understand how it is here. I don't want to be labeled as some other wannbehipster kid who think they're the shit. And every one is going to be like "woaaaah tryhard much?"'
And yeah, I understand that. Just don't lose site of who you are while searching for who you want to be and what everyone expects you to be. You can be both.
- zaccyboy.
Mygod do you sound like me. Legit, it feels like that was just a letter written by me with your name at the end.
Zac, I hope you know how much I love you.
Yeah, if only it was that easy :/ I guess I’m trying now a bit, which is good. But things are hard.. And sometimes you need to lose sight of the person inside for a little sanity. Or idk. Only time will tell I suppose.
I miss you.
Letters from the Inside.
I don’t know whether I am funny and lively, like you say, but I like to laugh and I do some radical things. I’m not casual, or slack. Maybe in these letters I make myself out to be more of a social star than I am. You can do that in letters. After all, what you know about me is what I choose to tell you - I could be making it all up.
Sometimes when I write to you it’s like I’m writing to myself.
I’ve been thinking about who sees the true side of me, because everyone sees different ones; my parents, my teachers, my neighbour, my best friends, the bus driver.. But they’re all true in their different ways (all fake too, sometimes.). Guess it shows how many sides we all have. You know how people insult eachother by saying they’re “two-faced”? The reason it’s an insult is because it’s an understatement! I’m thousand-faced.
- Page 31.
Something is wrong.
You have forgotten that you are unique.
In all the history of the world, there will never be another you. So why are you trying to look like someone else? Do you need to look like someone else? I don’t think so.
Untitled.
“Come to the edge”, they said.
“But I’m afraid”, he said.
“Come to the edge”, they said.
“But I’m afraid”, he said.
“Come to the edge”, they said
“But I’m afraid”, he said.
“Come to the edge”, they said
He came. And flew away.
Leave me alone, but stay - just for a bit.
I thought I was past this. - So why can I still remember? Why will the memories not fade away?
I really thought I was getting back on track. Starting to feel half normal again. Healed. But today I discovered that she is still buried deep inside. She still has the ability to tense every muscle in your body. She still has the ability to make you feel broken and empty. She still has the ability to make you cry.
You know how some things in particular remind you of memories you would much rather forget? Well I forgot just how much they force a reaction. Clenched jaw? Check. Flinch at the image of it? Check. Iron barriers falling? Check. Tearing apart from the inside out? Check. Cool, sounds like a party.
She no longer owns me - So why do I feel like this?
She no longer controls my thoughts - So why do I feel guilty that I’ve left her in the dark?
She no longer makes me forget who I am - So why does it feel as though I am sinking deeper and deeper into her grasp?
She no longer demands “perfection” - So why do I still dream of the unattainable?
H8KJS1akjUY4hgzfQ2. No, she’s never left me. Because now I realise I’ve clutched onto her, and I am never letting go.
